Remember

Remember,
Seventy times seven while wiping cutlery (I was listening to it on the way to the airport);
Westlife songs at Lido McCafe (sleeping to it so peacefully);
Dbl O and getting hit on by man going through their mid-life crisis (and spilling martinis);
Cuscaden's beer and drama (and breaking up on the same day).


Never a need to fill the silence between us.
Spending hours doing nothing yet never feeling bored.
Talking about old days never cease to become dull.
Never actually thought I'd have nothing to add to things we can dwell on and talk when it has past.

Though you'd be so happy knowing I'm writing something because of you,
I hope you cry your heart out when you know that you took a part of me with you to Aussie. The part of me which is you.

My weekdays I get through perfectly fine,
but my weekends are almost directionless.

It is almost like I don't want to have fun if its not with you,
and I don't want to have friends if you're not part of them.
And I don't want to have weekends because they are almost pointless.


This is so emo only because you love emo shit I write.
I hope this will do perfectly fine for your liking.


I miss you Jeannine. Who will take me away from reality while you're gone?

A Whirldwind Spinning In My Head

An undefined predicament.

A non-existent solution.

To hurt to heal to feel and yield or fail.

To give to take to compromise and oblige or reject.

So many exits but nowhere to stay for a little bit.

Nowhere to hide my fear, nowhere to search for words for a conversation.

Words shouted become words unheard yet remembered.

Kept in a memory to remind of the harm done.

So we have climbed so far and hard to reach a stage of mutual distaste.

Having being driven up against the wall, with my heart knotted in a string and a noose around my neck, its complicated to ascertain whose hands were blood-stained.

And we move on, to be loved and lost and forgotten.

Each day, the sun shines brightly, sometimes sinisterly.

Boredom oozing out of my hair, nose, eyes and fingernails.

Okay, so today is just one of those random days where you have a bursting random thought to write! Not you, I mean, I. I dont know if you have random bursting thoughts or bursting random thoughts, but either way it probably happens when you have a million idle braincells eager to find something to do. So its like when one raises its hands eagerly like a geeky know-it-all in the classroom, the thought rushes and bursts! Haha!

So, anyways, I realised there's so many things to do online I never had the time to find out when I was bumming around at home! What irony.

So here are some stuff I never would have done in a million years but turns out to be quite fun and I wouldnt mind continue doing. Hahaha.

I chat with people I never would have bothered to talk to, or never would think I would talk to, or always wanted to talk to but never really did. Haha, ya right, there is noone I've always wanted to talk to unless it is Johnny Depp or Adam Brody, or maybe Edie Sedgwick cos I'm partly secretly (HAHA, or not really secretly) lesbian.

I read about Lindsay Lohan's breakup with Samantha Ronson like as if I was following the death results of the Mumbai shootings. (Notice the lesbian tendencies).

I wreck my brains to think of ways to be as skinny as Lindsay now because if used-to-be-fat Lindsay can do it, so can I! (This would be so apt for a "Lose Weight" campaign)

I talk to strangers on FB.
For example I sent a message to this guy yesteday who added me when I didnt know him.
So this was how mindless the conversation was.
"Do I know you?"
"well honestly you dont, but if were unhonest i would say that i got your email when i bumped into you a while ago.. haha. btw are you chinese?" (what a creep right, like anyone would believe that)
ANYWAY....
"yes i am, do i not look chinese" (haha, why do I bother even entertaining?!? God knows how bored I am out of my mind!)
"you look mixed. heh." (what kinda laughter is heh. and what is so funny if i looked mixed. he was prolly hoping i shared some commmon ground with him being his name was mike azhar ang and probably wanted to let me know we have this peranakan heritage similarity so we can be friends.)
"so what's your motive?"
"hmm, i hafta haf a motive? heh, dn wry, if ur not comfortable to add strangers, ur not obligated to add me ^_^, kekeke :P" (seriously. W-T-F)

I will not torture you guys with the rest of the conversation, I believe I have emphasized my point that I hate FB losers, and that I am a loser myself for bothering to entertain him because I just am such a big loser I got nothing to do.

As you see, I digress. Well, deal with it.

I almost feel stupid writing in a tone as if my blog is widely read. ALMOST. but NOT. Haha. Alright readers (I thought I heard the crickety quiet dead air night sound they play when you expect an audience but dont have one. haha.), shall spend my last half hour of work doing some actual work!

Dream a little dream of you

Once again, the dread of the meaningless Monday kicks in. They should start the weeks on Tuesday, because there's so many negative adjectives that makes us an alliteration with Mondays. Mournful Monday. Miserable Monday. Mundane Monday. Melancholic Monday. and yes, most of all, they are generally meaningless Mondays.

I almost never stop realising how much I treasure my younger days. As this blog is nothing but meaningless, miserable, mournful entries of a loved lost or pretentious, crappy entries of a kind of happiness we sometimes need to assure of ourselves that our life is not unnoticed. It would be nice to go back to where broken hearts are just as painful as scrapped knees and elbows. Brush it off and laugh it off.


Of late, moods of frustration, annoyance and sometimes angst have filled the atmosphere. It's almost as if its clouded and fogged and there to stay.

The long winding path of foreverness just isn't there.

And in my head are voices of my subconscious mind telling myself that the road is almost ending.

For the better or for the worse, its hard to tell.

Used to you

Sometimes I wonder if the reason I cant be apart from you is because I'm just too used to you.

What now?
What am I trying to do now?
Can you resolve this?

It's so typical of you to pretend everything will be fine.
You brush your way through and I cave.

Everything is left exactly where they are,
nothing ever changes.

-

If you were a pillar, and I had you as my support,

You'd crumble, and I'd fall.

Asylum

It was as if no one would hear me,
not even myself.
It was as if no one could hurt me,
not even myself.

It was an exhibition.
A display full of rage,
I couldn't explain.

And if I had no words,
I'd draw you a picture of a girl,
enclosed in a huge plastic transparent cylinder,
with needles through her.

And while you observed her with eyes wide open,
she becomes oblivious of you,
while she rolls on by.

The people who walked past.

There was a day I stood at the highway watching the cars go by. I walked against the cars as they drove the wind in my face. I got tired and I sat on a bridge with my legs hanging off the edge. The people who walked past - they stare at me with contempt. I hid my face with my hair and I bit on my lips. I got off the bridge and I walked some more. I walked past the malls with my ragged clothes and my two bare feet dragged on the streets. The people who walked past - they stare at me with distaste. I lowered my head and I quicken my steps. The skies darkened, I was tired so I sat where no one could see. I closed my eyes and I fell asleep. I woke and you walked past - you stared at me with curiosity. I raised my head to see a little clearer and you came a little closer. I spoke but there were no words. You reached out your hand and then I took it.

Rainbow Riots

For centuries, love will bring different colours together and colours will tear them apart.
Fight it and you lose. Give in and you still don't stand to gain.
The values that are taught becomes reformed to one's own set of beliefs.
And who are you to forbid me?
I have been the black sheep.
And to you, maybe I will always be.